Sunday, November 4, 2012

Deserving... an interesting word

qualified for or having a claim to reward, assistance, etc.,because of one's actions, qualities, or situation: the deserving poor; a deserving applicant.
meriting; worthy: a criminal deserving of a lifetime sentence.

If everyone in life got what they deserved then I would currently be the mother of at least two children, a boy and a girl, and the word cancer would not even be in my vocabulary. Well here is some news, I am not pregnant and I will never be pregnant again and while I only have one more chemo session left I still have weeks of radiation left and a lifetime of scans with the question of "has the cancer returned?". While I, and many others, deserve to experience motherhood and a lifetime of no cancer worries, life doesn't work in this matter. Life is so much more then "but you deserve it, "life is about experiencing things and looking at the positive outcomes terrible things can bring. Without cancer I would not be able to see firsthand all the undeserving people fighting. I would not be able to see all the wonderful nurses that deal with cancer patients on a daily basis and see that they put smiles on their faces everyday even though they walk into a workplace that feels as if the dark rain clouds have over taken the skies. I would not get to experience the true beauty of people without hair. Without infertility I would not have experienced meeting wonderful women like me that also deserve to be mothers. Without infertility I would not experience the wonders of science and how far we have really come to making dreams come true for people. I would not experience the adventure of obtaining something that I wanted so bad I would do anything for. I would not have experienced meeting a wonderful doctor that led to the cancer diagnosis in the first place. Without infertility I may not have experienced cancer treatments because it would've been too late.

So you see my Husband and I have to sit back and laugh at our crazy little life because even though we may be deserving of things we also have the strength to experience undeserving things in life. Not everything in life is fair and deserving but I believe things happen for a reason, a reason to make you that much stronger and that much more complete.

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